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Corona and Cocktails-Drinking Through Quarantine, Boise, ID (2026)

04/26/2020

Welcome back. Tonight our travels take us to a swanky cigar club or hip jazz lounge to encounter the Tom Collins. The Tom Collins is often referred to as the cocktail of the mans man. You know the guy, designer suit, perfectly styled hair, he’s successful, charismatic, he’s almost too perfect ...a god amongst mortals. That’s the type of guy you’ll find sipping on a Tom Collins, or at least that’s what he’s striving for. More than likely you’ll find a Tom Collins in the hands of a guy who’s watched too many episodes of How I Met your Mother doing his best Barney Stinson wondering why he keeps striking out with the ladies. With his Men’s warehouse suit, knockoff Rolex, he’s missing a few key components, Neil Patrick Harris good looks, game and a well written script.
You may also find a Tom Collins in the hands in the hands of an older gentlemen at the bar wearing way too much cologne. He is dressed in a three piece suit, slicked back hair and displaying gold chains around his neck. He listens to nothing but the Rat Pack, drives a 1960s Mercedes, and has never been married. You will have to endure over hearing him explain repeatedly who Dean Martin is to the 20 somethings he’s trying to hit on and believes he has a shot with.

04/23/2020

Tonight our travels take us to dangerous territory. We must proceed with caution to the most basic of bars to encounter the Doc Holliday.
You will know if you are close to approaching a wild Doc Holliday by the strong scent of axe body spray and the excessive use of the word “bro”. When you step closer to observe, be careful where you direct your eyes as you may be blinded by the bedazzled jeans and Affliction T-shirt of the one holding the drink. You may notice a group of young men standing together. Their names are respectably Chaz, Brock and Tyson. They have gathered at their favorite drinking hole to watch the latest MMA fight. You may have trouble translating their language so I will offer some help: they refer to their lifted truck they undoubtedly need a step ladder to get into as “rigs”. They refer to their oversized tribal tattooed biceps as “guns.” And although their arms may look impressive don’t be fooled, it is but an illusion of being squeezed into a t-shirt two sizes too small and always replacing leg day with another arm day. Its ok to observe at a distance, but do not get too close as this group of gentleman are always looking for an excuse to fight. ..stay safe

04/23/2020

Tonight I’d like to travel back to a simpler time, to a quaint upscale cocktail lounge on the upper east side of Manhattan to encounter the classic Cosmopolitan.
Although the cosmopolitan is native to New York, you can find them just about anywhere in the same environment. The cosmo, as it’s more commonly called, can be found at tall top tables surrounded by 3 or more women for a self described “girls night”. Each one of these ladies, regardless of where they are in the world, are dressed as though they are about to make a celebrity appearance at the latest Las Vegas night club. At least one of them paid professionals in preparation for the evening. They will likely be dressed in black cocktail dresses (the theme of the night) and excessively high heels. As you slowly approach, you will hear them passionately discussing which S*x in the City character they are most alike. These characters are used as an excuse as to why no relationship as ever worked out.At least 3 will claim to be Carrie, while one will proudly claim shes totally Samantha. They aren’t fooling anyone, not even themselves, they are all Charlottes...possibly one Miranda.

04/23/2020

Tonight our travels have us heading to the sunny beaches of Hawaii to encounter the Rum and Pineapple.
The rum and pineapple we are about to encounter could be difficult to spot, as it’s prey is not always so obvious. We will start with the most common. Across the beach front bar you’ll spot a couple, they will be hard to miss as they will be in matching very colorful and bold Hawaiian print outfits. You’ll be hearing them discuss it’s their 30+ wedding anniversary and they frequent the islands every year, love everything about it. Their favorite hotel is the holiday inn express by the airport and they eat every meal at the local Cheesecake Factory.
You may also spot one in the hands of the young Instagram influencer, model, entrepreneur couple, they are . You’ll never see them speaking directly to other people, or to each other, but you will overhear “what’s up Instagram coming at you live from the 808” or “so if you guys like my bikini swipe up and use my discount code Brylnn10”. They will be sipping the drink out of an actual pineapple, taking turns snapping hundreds of pictures to ensure they capture the perfect, spontaneous, sipping my drink, laughing at nothing, picture. You will later see this couple negotiating with hotel staff for a room upgrade based solely on the number of followers they have.
Stay home kids!

04/23/2020

Tonight our travels take us down to New Orleans to experience Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street and encounter the Hurricane in its natural habitat.
The music, the people, the energy, it’s almost too much to take in. Your attention will be directed to a table of young women. You’ll hear them before you see them by their native call of the “woo”. They will be dressed in denim mini skirts with only a variety of beads as their tops (a lot of double stick tape is in play here) They will be dancing to every song, participating in the honored tradition of flashing for beads, and at least one will undoubtedly be puking in the alley by 9 pm.
Another group you may see enjoying this cocktail will one of the more dangerous groups we’ve encountered...the moms on vacation. This group of women is made dangerous by the fact that they only get out once every few years. They are out not at a child’s event, dressed up in something other than yoga pants and not hearing “mom” repeatedly. At first this group will be a bit awkward as they aren’t sure what to do with their hands and the fear that this is all a dream and their human buzz kills will be walking in at any moment. But, once the first few drinks go down it is game on! With the confidence that only comes of years of longer giving a damn, sleep deprivation, and dealing with constant chaos this group is a force!By 9 pm one will be dancing on the bar with the shirtless bartender, one will be showing pictures of her babies to strangers and another will be holding the hair back of younger gal previously mentioned as her friends have bailed on her.
Stay home, stay safe!

04/23/2020

Tonight our travels take us to a swanky, upscale pretentious cocktail lounge to encounter the gin and tonic.
As common as the drink goes the same can be said for those sipping on it. You’ll look down bar to see a gentlemen, he’s in his 30s maybe 40s in very expensive Italian shoes (don’t worry the conversation won’t get too far before he brings up the price). His professional goals are set by the connections his parents have, or the trust fund that allows him to dapple in start ups and be a self proclaimed entrepreneur.
You may also see the gin and tonic in the hands of a young lady that is an entrepreneur in her own right. Dressed in head to toe designer labels, She is the lifestyle, fashion, home decor blogger/ guru. Her name in undoubtedly Poppy or Starla. She has thousands of followers on social media as she shows off her luxurious lifestyle that is afforded by her marrying well off. She brings to life that old saying “you’re not ugly, just poor”

04/23/2020

Tonight our travels take us to the great white north, Canada, to encounter a whiskey sour in its natural habitat.
A whiskey sour shouldn’t be too difficult to spot. As you walk into the local hockey bar you may bump into someone wearing the jersey of the local team and holding a sour. Even though you were not paying attention they will apologize to you and offer you a delightful Tim Hortons treat....
Ok guys, real talk I tried, Canada is too wonderful to be funny. After all how do you poke fun at a country that gave us Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling? And don’t even get me started on Justin Trudeau, yumm! They have universal healthcare, paid parental leave, hockey, their national animal is the beaver and not to mention Trailer Park Boys!
So cheers to our neighbors to the north! Thank you for being you!

04/23/2020

Tonight our travels stay closer to home (as we should be) to a local nightclub bar, sorority house party or local trying to be high end lounge to encounter the disaronno amaretto sour.
Spotting an amaretto sour in its natural habitat could be tricky as it’s probably in the hands of a young lady who had just started drinking alcohol, and isn’t sure how to act holding it. Her name is most likely Bri or Becka, she’s a freshman and a legacy at Thigh Mega Tampon. Shes very new to the house party scene as choir and church youth group kept her very busy in high school. Her big sister Taylor introduced her to the cocktail after finding out she’s only had a sip of champagne at her brothers wedding. This is the perfect gateway drink as it goes down easy but isn’t strong enough that big sister will be holding hair back over a toilet later. It will however give our little Becka enough liquid courage to make out with a senior from the neighboring fraternity.

Stay home kids, stay safe.

04/23/2020

Tonight’s travels take us not to a local but to a mood, nah a person....let us dive right into our study of the white claw slushy....( I know a truly is pictured, fear not, management as already been notified)
Spiked frosted tips, pencil thin eyebrows and the threat of a negative yelp review are tell-tell signs you’re in the presence of a white claw slushy. It will be in the hands of a middle aged, middle class lady, her name is undoubtably Karen, Carole or Sarah. She’s dressed in the finest j.crew and loft outlet threads available, she brags how there was a loose thread on her top she she fought with store staff until they gave her an additional discount. Her three children, Taylee, Kambree and Navyie are displayed proudly in stick figure form on the back window of her 3 row SUV. Starbucks is part of her morning routine and she’ll be damned if she needs to explain her grande in a venture cup, double pump vanilla, 3 pumps Carmel, extra foam, extra whipped cream, not too hot, but not room temperature 1/2 almond milk 1/2 soy mocha latte again. As PTO president her current agenda is to set up a task force to ensure every students Halloween costume isn’t socially insensitive or offensive. Harry Potter costume Jackson, no that’s obviously worshipping witchcraft and voodoo. Now some may consider her self righteous, overbearing, entitled, or ever basic...but none of that bothers her. She just stares at her “live, laugh, love” wall decals on her wall and ponders why her husband is always working late...
Stay home stay safe

Corona and Cocktails-Drinking Through Quarantine

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