25/05/2026
A Formal Apology (Sort Of)
I owe you all an apology. A sincere, heartfelt, completely-not-laughing-as-I-write-this apology.
Last night at Mi-Soul’s “Upstairs Downstairs” event, I was booked to play midnight till 1am. One hour. Sixty minutes. Simple enough. What I wasn’t booked to do was hold you hostage on a dance floor against your better judgement, your bedtime, or your chiropractor’s advice.
I was reliably informed that several of you had your coats on and your Ubers booked by midnight. Sensible people. Responsible adults. And then I went and opened with that Lisa Lisa record, and suddenly your coat was back on the rack and your Uber driver was getting a 1-star review for no reason whatsoever.
The charges against me are as follows: wilfully blending 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s classics with reckless abandon, causing no fewer than several incidents of one-finger pointing, unsolicited hand-raising, and at least one person doing a move they absolutely should not have attempted in those shoes.
The result? You stayed. You danced. You sweated through an outfit you were quite proud of. You sang lyrics you didn’t know you still knew. And now, the morning after, your feet are staging a full revolt and your body feels like it went ten rounds with a young Mike Tyson.
For all of this, I am deeply, profoundly, genuinely sorry. (I am not sorry.)
If you’d like to press charges — or more likely, do it all over again — come find me at Catch A Groove’s Day Party, Saturday 27th June.
Bring comfortable shoes. You won’t use them, but it’ll make you feel better.
