Oldskool Days - Belfast & Beyond 1989-96

25/05/2026

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24/05/2026

24/05/2026

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Festival medics were overwhelmed last night after 86 people collapsed from second-hand embarrassment during a DJ set by the instagram crooner Levi.

The incident reportedly began midway through his performance, when Levi removed his top, stuck out his tongue, closed his eyes and began performing to the crowd as if every woman in the venue had paid to watch him sexually assault himself.

“At first we thought it was dehydration,” said one clubber. “Then we saw him bite his lip during a commercial house remix and realised we were dealing with a possible mass cringe event.”

Witnesses say the situation escalated when Levi climbed onto the booth, pointed at himself during a drop, and made prolonged eye contact with a front-row model who had been trying to leave since the start of his set.

“People just started hitting the deck,” said one clubber. “One lad saw him do the slow hand-through-hair thing and his throat immediately closed over, and his legs just disappeared from under him.”

Doctors confirmed most victims were treated for nausea, ick overdose, or temporary inability to look at another human being without remembering the set and starting to cry.

Levi’s production team were still only five hours into the mammoth task of rolling his tongue back into his mouth as we went to press, so he was unavailable for comment.

24/05/2026

Brace yourselves ☀️

23/05/2026

Delaney’s Cafe , Friday Nights ❤️